Over the years I have held many jobs, especially during that time that I was trying to enjoy both the benefits of a pseudo-nutritious diet and the expansion of my knowledge base at the University of Oklahoma.  I have slung burgers and other fine fare in a variety of fast-food restaurants, been a waiter in establishments that were considered ‘better’ than the fast-food places among other various vocational experiences including carpenter, photographer, machinist and I have even ‘been all I could have been’ in the US Army Judge Advocate General Corps.  In the technology arena I have written code, fixed PC’s, solved the occasional modem conflict over the phone while radio listeners hung on my every word and taught far more folks than I can count the wonders of computers and networking in the classroom.

For all the variety of the crafts I have utilized to keep little pieces of green paper flowing from me to the folks who collect these pieces of paper in exchange for a roof over my head, pizza, and the occasional movie rental, there has been one element that they all had in common, a tie that bonds in the form of that magical building block of interpersonal relationships called ‘customer service’.

Let’s face it; unless you are Ted Kanzyski living alone in the mountains hunting and killing your own meat and building your house with your own hands while typing your manifesto on an antique typewriter, you are probably going to have to deal with someone in customer service in order to get something accomplished.

Of course, I am betting that everyone reading this finely crafted rant of mine is already dealing with customer service and at some point they were, to be kind, disappointed in the outcome of that experience.

We’ve all been there.  Some bonehead kid with enough piercings that he can no longer successfully walk through an airport metal detector tells us ‘gee dude! I don’t know why it’s not working”.  Admit it, you’ve been there and I bet if you think back to that time, probably this morning, you let the poor slob have an earful of explicatives that will surely make him rush right out and select a new line of employment.

Getting good customer service certainly can be challenging, especially when one considers the currently low unemployment rate we are enjoying.  With such a high demand for good workers in industries like high technology, there are fewer and fewer folks around willing to take the responsibility of being on the receiving end of an irate customers rage.   But don’t despair; having been both the customer and the person responsible for taking care of the customer I will share with you some secrets to successfully dealing with customer service and ultimately getting what you want.

You have probably heard the old adage, “the customer is always right”.  Well forget it.  While technically true and every company representative should remember that without their customers sending little green pieces of paper their way things like a roof over their heads, pizzas, and movie rentals will soon be very difficult to get, it will serve you as a customer very little to go into this relationship with an air of superiority.   Instead before you call remind yourself that the person on the other end of the phone is a living breathing human being with feelings who is trying to earn an honest living.  Perhaps he or she is a little less sensitive to pain than you as evidenced by all of the pieces of metal in their body and the tattoo of the Tasmanian Devil, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be hurt emotionally.  The first trick to getting better customer service is simply to be nice.  Remember, you can always catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar.

Second, no matter how much you might think you know about the issue don’t try to tell the person on the other end of the phone how to do their job.  Yes they may ask silly questions like “is your computer turned on?” but the questions they ask are usually relevant and will weed out the silly mistakes we all make from time-to-time quickly so that a real resolution can be arrived at quickly.  Most of these call centers take thousands of calls a day and they script these calls to take care of a majority of the problems quickly and efficiently.  You will do nothing but prolong the process by trying to argue with the person who is trying to help you.  Besides, if you knew so much already, then why did you call them in the first place?

Now, having made the above point I recognize fully that there will come a time when the person on the other end of the line is just not getting it done.  They are either not being as helpful as you expect or perhaps they are clearly in need of a little remedial training as the answers you are getting just don’t seem to make sense.  The next little secret I am going to let you in on is this; there are two basic types of people in this world, Ducks and Eagles. The Ducks are those who do as little as possible in order just to get by and punch a time clock.  They usually begin their responses with “I can’t” or “We don’t”.  The Eagles are those persons who will go out of their way to find a solution to the problem, even if they don’t know how to do this themselves.  The Eagle will usually make statements like “gee, I don’t know how to do that but I will be more than happy to get someone who does” or simply “what can I do to make it right”.  The trick is to get rid of the Ducks and finding the Eagles.  You can do a couple of things to be successful at this.  One trick is to simply ask to be transferred to someone else but often the Duck may tell you they can’t do this either so calling back in is one way to get another person.  Often though calling in is not the best option, especially for those companies that have long hold times for customer support.  My usual trick to get an Eagle is to politely thank the Duck for their assistance, get their name and then ask, again politely, if I could please speak with their supervisor.  Nine times out of ten the supervisor was once someone who answered phones and got promoted because they were good at it.  These are your best bet when trying to get an Eagle.  It is important to remember that when you do finally get to the supervisor that no matter how mad you may be at the person who was last talking to you, you need to not take it out on the supervisor.  Being calm, collected, and leaving out the colorful language describing whether or not the person may have had a complete set of parents goes a long ways towards improving your credibility and thus your chances of success.

Above all during the process remember to take names and note the times you spoke with someone.  I personally keep a log of anytime I call a company to refer to if I should ever have to contact them later regarding a similar issue.  Most companies use a trouble ticketing system and if you ask, they will give you a reference number regarding your call.  This information is indispensable should you have to call back or if you are speaking with a supervisor concerning an incident that occurred a week ago.  The other thing to note in your journal is the names of any Eagles you might come across.  This way, you can ask for them by name if you ever have to call back.

Last, don’t be afraid to ask for compensation for your inconvenience.   I usually wait to do this until after the issue has been resolved.  The focus should be on fixing the problem, and then after that is done you can ask for a refund or credit of some sort.

The bottom line to remember is what I said at the beginning.  Be nice.  The true secret to getting great customer service out of folks is to be a good customer.  Try to imagine yourself in the other guys shoes taking yet another call from an irate idiot who simply wants to threaten to call everyone from the mommy of the owner of the company to Ted Turner.  How would you respond to this?  Now imagine that you got the call and the person was calm and patient and the only request was to get things working again.  Who would you go out of the way to assist?